With the Oct. 17 legalization of cannabis looming, many parents are at a loss about how best to approach the issue of pot usage with their kids — and about the place, if any, for the newly legal substance at home.

“I’ve been thinking about it for quite a while, about how to start broaching the topic,” says Ainslie, a Sudbury mother of two who did not want her full name used.

“I don’t know what to say,” she says, adding that her eldest child, now 12, is keenly aware decriminalization is coming. Ainslie’s uncertainty is being felt in countless homes across the country, says Dr. Karen Leslie, an adolescent medicine specialist at Toronto’s Hospital for Sick Children.

Luckily, Leslie says, there’s some solid advice to be had.

“Parents can and should inform themselves,” says Leslie, who heads the adolescent substance abuse program at Sick Kids.

She says that under prohibition it was feasible for parents to forgo discussion about cannabiswith their kids — aside from saying it was illegal and they should not touch it.

“You can’t just say it’s illegal (now) ... It’s going to force parents to start talking about it.”

Leslie does point out that, as with alcohol, it will still be illegal for teenagers to consume cannabis products until they turn 19.

And parental discussions with children about pot use could closely mirror in many ways those centred on booze, she says.

“It’s the idea that it’s legal for an adult but it’s not legal (for those under 19),” she says. “So I think there are some similarities ... in how we hope parents are talking to kids about alcohol use that are now going to probably transfer in some ways to how they might want to talk about cannabis.”

But it’s important, Leslie says, not to favour one form of intoxicant over the other as being safer or preferable, with each posing very real physiological risks — especially to developing adolescent brains.

“There are certain things, maybe, that parents want to not say and one of the things I hear a lot is ‘well, isn’t cannabis better or safer than alcohol?’,” she says. “And that’s problematic. One isn’t better or safer than the other.”

Leslie says the frontal segments of the brain continue to develop into the early 20s and that these are the areas cannabis particularly effects.

“That idea that the front part of the brain is still developing and ... using a substance that kind of targets that part of the brain is a risk,” she says. “And it’s a risk that they (kids) have to be aware of and that the more you use, the ... higher the likelihood that you’re going to experience some kind of a side effect.”

Leslie also says parents should play down claims of any psychological benefits of cannabis and broach the known links between cannabis use and mental health problems with their children.

“I think there’s lots of confusion with a lot of (web) sites that claim that marijuana can help people with things like anxiety that really aren’t based in any kind of science,” she says.

“And who’s at risk, I think that’s the other conversation that we have to have, that there are going to be some young people who are going to be more at risk of (mental health consequences) than others.”

Leslie says discussions of the mental health risks posed by cannabis consumption are especially important for parents whose children have known psychiatric disorders or have family histories of schizophrenia and other psychotic conditions.

“And even if you don’t have a family history, there is an association with the development of psychosis,” she says.

Ainslie — a casual cannabis user who does not want her 90-year-old grandmother to know she imbibes — says she has also wondered about the propriety of using legalized pot in front of her children like she would wine or a cocktail.

“I like to partake in a little smoke every once in a while behind the scenes, but now that it’s going to be legal, how are we going to transition that?” she says. “It is a real interesting thought process for me to try to figure out what is appropriate.”

Leslie says the stigma Ainslie still feels about cannabis is likely to linger long after Oct. 17.

“It’s going to become legal and therefore, theoretically, it shouldn’t be any different than a parent having a glass of wine and their kids seeing them have a glass of wine with dinner,” she says.

“So I think that’s an interesting one to understand why is that stigma (still there). People have a stigma associated with what does it mean to be a pothead and what does it mean to use marijuana.”

She says the introduction of edible cannabis products next year will give the prospect of using in front of children a whole new dynamic.

Regardless of the format, however, Leslie says parents should always be aware their children are watching what they do carefully and are being influenced by their behaviour.

“The thing for parents to know is that they are modelling behaviour for their kids all the time,” she says. “And again I think that message is, ‘yes, it’s legal if you’re a parent to use both of these substances (cannabis and alcohol)’ and here are reasons why it isn’t a good idea for you to think about it as a teenager’.”

Leslie says problem use of cannabis by parents makes it far more likely their kids will overuse.

“Whether any use in a parent puts a child at an increased risk is a little bit trickier just because teens are often influenced by many other people.”

Amy Porath, director of research at the Canadian Centre on Substance Use and Addiction in Ottawa, says legalization should present parents and teachers with a welcome opportunity to speak with kids about cannabis use.

But Porath says her recent research has also centred around teenagers and what they’d like those discussions to include.

Teenagers are seeking credible information on the positive and negative effects of cannabis use, she says.

“They don’t want a one-sided conversation where all you’re talking about is all the risks,” she says. “They can see in the news that it’s being used for medical purposes (and) they’ll talk to their friends who are using cannabis and may not be experiencing the different risks that the scientific research has shown.”

This desire for unbiased information should prompt parents to familiarize themselves with all of the effects pot can have and be willing to share both its positives and negatives.

Porath says her centre has posted a wealth of information online that parents can use before having the cannabis talk with their kids.

But she warns that 90 years of prohibition and a parent’s own experience with marijuana will almost certainly have created biases about the substance.

“So it can be really challenging to identify those and then put them aside and have a really judgment-free neutral conversation ... where young people feel they can ask you whatever they want,” Porath says.

But Porath is no Pollyanna on the subject and says part of that conversation should include the potential harm cannabis can have on the developing brain.

“While it’s best to abstain ... that’s the safest approach, we know there are some young people who are using,” Porath says. “So try to delay use as long as possible (and) if you are going to use, try to reduce the potency of (the) product that you’re consuming (and) try to use less frequently.”

As well, she says, young people may want to look at edible products to avoid the respiratory risks smoking pot can produce.

Lily Frost, a Toronto radio host and mother of two, says she has already prepared her cannabis talks for her children. Part of that would include explaining that some people use it for medicinal purposes.

“I would also explain that it can be abused and misused and that for many, many years ... people have used it to self-medicate but also have abused it saying it’s not addictive when I think that anything can be overused or used in the wrong way,” says Frost who is also a singer and songwriter.

Frost says she speaks openly to her children — 12 and 7 — about most matters and that cannabis will be no different.

“I want them to be informed (and) I feel like if they’re armed with information that that would be the most beneficial tactic,” she says. “So, for example, if someone offers them drugs at school or a party I would explain that that is really different than someone who has been diagnosed and is getting regulated amounts through a practitioner.”

Though she would be open to her children with information on cannabis, Frost says she would never allow anyone to smoke it in front of them, fearing confusion between intoxicating marijuana, its medicinal forms and tobacco.

It’s the potential confusion with tobacco and the profusion of different and potent marijuana products that are about to hit the market that most concern Halifax entrepreneur Laura, who also did not want her full name used because of her husband’s job.

“I remember the first time when I was a kid, I think I was 14 or 15 and we had something that could have been parsley,” the mother of two says. She says the varieties that will be on sale come October are far more potent and different strains will have vastly different physical and psychological effects.

“They have to know about this,” she says.

Laura says she will be open about her own marijuana use if her children — now 7 and 9 — ask her about it in the future.

“I’m not going to lie to them ... and I’m also going to tell them good and bad stories,” she says. “I have had really good times using marijuana and I have had really, really terrible times.”